I used to hate the stuff, couldn’t stand it. Then I loved it and couldn’t get enough of it. Now I am indifferent, I don’t drink it but I don’t despise it either. I just much prefer a different hot beverage.
Coffee was always around as a kid, it just wasn’t something I drank and I truly didn’t really start drinking coffee until I was about 26 or 27 and then it was just your good old freeze dried gear from the supermarket, Moccona was my go to brand. I can remember my first real coffee experience, going on a camping trip with a girlfriend and her father, we pulled over at a park and out came the thermos, coffee, sugar, milk and for the father a hip flask. Coffee was made and whiskey added to the old guys cup and we sat and enjoyed. The thing that I can remember the most other than an old dude adding alcohol to his coffee at 9am was how I felt getting back in the car. My god dam heart was racing in fact it felt like it was going to burst outta my chest. I felt wired I felt intense and to be honest a touch scared. It’s weird to say but I felt good as well and of course I went back for more at the next stop and so my coffee journey had begun. I guess for the next ten years or so it was pretty tame really. Until Lee and I, had an epiphany and started Epiphany coffee which was a mobile vintage van with an espresso machine in it and holy moly did my coffee interest go through the roof!
All of a sudden flat whites, cappuccinos, lattes, short blacks and macchiatos became common names. I became a small double shot flat kinda guy really quickly and I won’t lie I loved it, I loved talking about it, I loved the art of making it and the science behind it. It became our world. And then we made the next obvious move, open a cafe of course and move from flat whites to straight double shot espressos, I was deep and had gone hard core right? It was nothing for me to smash 3 or 4 of those little black cups of gold into myself in a day. I was at the point of using words like sweet to describe coffee and was always chasing the perfect pour. I didn’t notice my heart racing anymore it was like I had become comfortable with it, sure it still gave me a pick up first thing in the morning then at 10ish and again at lunch. I was usually pretty careful not to indulge after say 2 o’clock for fear of not being able to get to sleep.
Then one random day it hit me that I was under its spell and completely reliant on it, to boost my mood and give me energy though the day, the constant pick you up companion. That random day was about two days after not having a cup for a bunch of reasons the main being I was so obsessed with “my” coffee that I wasn’t prepared to drink anyone else’s, my stubbornness cost me a great load of pain. Oohh my goodness the headaches were excruciating, borderline crippling, three days in and the opportunity to get back on board with “my” coffee and I thought fuck it I’m done I have come this far let’s see how long I can survive without it.
I reckon I was still feeling the come down a couple of weeks later but every day I kept saying, it’s going to get easier, it’s going to get easier, surely it gets easier, when the fuck is it going to get easier. It got to the point where I was totally repulsed by the look and smell of coffee, I even tried to reacquaint myself with it but didn’t have the stomach, I couldn’t bring myself to drink it. I did manage to muscle down a cup of my dear old friend six or so months ago and wowzers it was like I had wound the clock back ten years to my very first cup. My heart started to race, everything felt fast, I rang Lee and she could tell straight away because of how I was speaking, I just couldn’t control it.
So I made a decision not to go back down that road. I’m not saying that I will never indulge in a cup ever again, I’m saying I prefer other hot beverages with health benefits at the moment.
Judge me if you will!!
Join me if you want!!